blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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