it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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