She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
