I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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