I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
