Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Damn victory sex feels great
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
