Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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