Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
