Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
