Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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