i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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