Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
