She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
