Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
