I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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