Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
