Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
