If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
