maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
