i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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