I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
