They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
