I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
