I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This house was built for laser tag.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
