I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
