do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
