I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
