go do what you do best...puke behind churches
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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