either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
