She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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