just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
