dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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