a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
