Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
