Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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