He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
