just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
