i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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