She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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