So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
