yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this just has baby written all over it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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