My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I just went to clothing optional bar
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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