my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
