You just made me feel so damn special
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
