The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
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he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
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right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Floor bacon is actually really good
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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