you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
