I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There r osticjed everywhere
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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