My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
