I faked an abortion last night.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Randomize
