i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
