need another drink. this is the easiest way
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
