I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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