It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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