Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
