Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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