I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
