Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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