I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i now understand why vodka
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
