just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
