I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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