mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
did you just send me my own nude
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
