Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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